I have been thinking about starting a blog for almost a year, but I have held myself back for several reasons: not enough time, the fact that I'm not sure that I have anything to say, my poor photography skills, my poor computer skills, the fact that it feels sort of silly. However, I want to overcome these for a  little while and give it a try. I think it could be good for me. I hope that it will help me to better understand and appreciate my life.

I became a mama unexpectedly at 20 years old. Luckily I had graduated from college a month before discovering the fact that my body was turning into a bakery, so it wasn't as traumatic as it could have been. Also, my baby's daddy (who had previously only been an on-again, off-again boyfriend of several months) turned out to be pretty amazing. Things have worked out beautifully, and I could not be happier about my little bastard baby. However, it so obviously changed my life and in some ways that I never, ever expected.

Although in college I was obnoxiously referred to as "Heady Mama Rachel" I think the name had very little to do with my nurturing skills and a lot more to do with my aesthetic. I wore long flowy skirts, long flowy shirts, dangley earrings and had waist length hair. It had more to do with an earth mama things and less to do with the fact that anyone could actually imagine me bearing a real child. Although I was semi-responsible, I was a party everyday but Tuesday kid of girl, and even Tuesday wasn't off limits.

During pregnancy are breastfeeding years (I got pregnant again a little over a year later, this one planned) I sort of lost any personal style because it was hard enough getting dressed. I just threw on jeans.  But after a few years of that, I realized that it was important that I cared about me.  

So here I am, contemplating things I find beautiful, unique, interesting and amazing, hoping that it will help me be a better, more interesting mother in the end.

Like so many people ( I assume) I stalk random blogs and imagine the lives of people I have never met. Sometimes for a moment (often longer) I get jealous. Their lives seem beautiful, full, exciting. I envy what they do, wear, buy, where they go, who they meet. In all that envy, I lose my own beauty and excitement. 

Happy New Year's to me. I am going to do this. I don't really know what exactly that is, but that isn't so unlike me. I'm going to stay on alert for the wonder in my small world. I'm going to write silly nothings and take silly pictures of things I do, wear, buy, places I go and people I meet.